MeikiSquared: December 2007

Meiki's 2008 Predictions

After carefully researching human events of the past, I can precisely predict the actual events that will shape my life and the lives of the public in the the upcoming year, 2008.

January - A friend of ours will leave their current job and begin modeling on commission. (Link) *NSFL

February - Soulja Boy wins the Grammy for Best Rap Song. Barry Manilow gets angry worse than the losers and goes onstage and supermans the 17 year-old on live television.

March - Tameka bites off Usher's head, thereby completing the praying mantis ritual.

April - I see Gail in Central Park and strike her with my mighty boot.

May - I meet a guy. We fall for each other immediately. We're attached at the hip all the time. My friends and family don't see me anymore. I'm rethinking this virginal virgo thing. He makes a comment that Smoothie King "isn't all that". I break up with him through text message.

June - Beyonce opens yet another BET Awards Show. In a show of overwhelming unity, the audience throw their chairs at the performing singer in an symbolic gesture to get her to sit her ass down.

July - Omarion is caught sitting in between Bow Wow's legs getting his hair braided. A frustrated Bow Wow leaves the music industry following the leak and enters cosmetology college and subsequently invents the Bow Wow Weave™.

August - Jade will be involved in a photo scandal with Phonte of Little Brother and will be forced to hire the gang Chris Stokes uses to threaten his boys.

September - After recovering from the chair incident of early summer, Beyonce announces that she is retiring from the industry to pursue rock farming. An enraged stan population left without a relic, riot on the internet, permanently crippling YouTube and Myspace. In a last ditch effort, former Beyonce stans attempt to worship at the altar of Solange, but after realizing how ridiculous that sounds, give up on life all together. Baby Daniel moves out.

October - At a political rally, an agitated Barack Obama abruptly snaps, "Bitch, if you don't back up off me!" at Oprah Winfrey while they are onstage. An embarrassed Obama shoots to the top as a favorite in polls with white America and is a favorite to win next month's presidential election.

November - At his trial, R. Kelly shocks the courtroom by admitting that his braids are a Berber lacefront. A furious Shemar Moore sues Kelly in a class-action suit and wins his case. Kelly is rendered penniless and shunned from the industry. His sexual misconduct trial is further postponed.

December - The Equifax offices and servers are destroyed in a terrorist act. Everyone in the continental United States proceed to have the best holiday ever. I never get caught.

Could You Get A Callback With A Moniker Like That?

I got this in my inbox yesterday. My nerves are still trying to come down.

From the email:

So I was going through my cell phone, deleting pictures before I transferred stuff to my new phone, and I found this picture of some names from my cousin's high school graduation program in good ol' Houston, Texas...I don't think I need to point out the winner of most hood-tastic name. The people around us took bets on if the announcer could pronounce her damn name....they lost.

I'm not gonna front; I got my giggle on to this, but since we're essentially at the end of 2007 and it's all about kicking out the old and bringing in the new, THIS SH*T RIGHT HERE ^ MUST CEASE! It's painfully apparent that for LaTraumaukkah's parents, creativity was never the idea. They have mistaken utter ridiculousness for innovation. I'm not saying Anglo names are the way to go...I don't have an Anglo name myself, but I do know that treating a child's identity like a game of Boggle gives them obstacles right out of the gate. Now why you wanna go and do that?

I LOVE B!

Is you crazy? Not that "B".

My favorite person emerging from this Raz B/Chris St(r)okes saga is blogger B. Scott (Link) who gave his opinion via video on YouTube and is now feeling the wrath of the family members of TUGboat Strokes.

Family Members of Chris Stokes Intimidating Blogger B. Scott
(Link)

An e-mail was recently sent to B. Scott of LoveBScott.com, by the cousin of Chris Stokes talking smack about B. Scott's reaction to the molestation claims made by ex B2K member Raz B.

Regarding this video:

Here's the e-mail:

J.D. Carson (a.k.a. Gotti) Chris Stokes’ first cousin sent me the below message entitled “Chris Stokes’ Real Cousin” last night in regards to my YouTube videos on the Raz B/Chris Stokes situation:

When first beginning to watch your video; listening to the texture of your voice, I honestly believed that there might be a little sanity left in the world - thinking that you would be one of the first people I’ve heard on you.tude to possibly speak objectively about the entire Raz vs. Chris Stokes situation.

I just would have thought more from someone who “seemed” to be a little more educated, well spoken, and objective. But I guess everyone needs there on 5 minutes of Fame huh?

Signed,
Chris Stokes “REAL” Cousin

http://www.myspace.com/jd_carson

Here is blogger B. Scott's response:

Dear Chris Stokes “How U Doin” Cousin,

When first beginning to read your email; reading between the lines, I honestly believed that there might be a little heterosexuality left in your family - thinking that you would be one of the first people to respond to my youtube video that could possibly speak objectively about the entire Raz vs. Chris Stokes situation. Then, BABY, I saw your picture…and I though, Oooooh how youuuuuuuu doin’?? I swear something must be in water where Chris Stokes and his “Real” cousin grew up because he just off the cuff looks like a super duper sugar plum! Does your girlfriend boyfriend know your writing me boo boo? You on payroll too? and speaking of having 5:00 minutes of fame, you’re at 4:55, 5-4-3-2-1 ….GOODBYE!

P.S - Tell your gutter-butt-child-molesting-trollop “I dont do that anymore” cousin I said hey! Um, the hair….Comb-Thru Texturizer or S-Curl? you’re lookin’ a little dry there, a little curl re-activator will SNAP that scurl right back into shape, but try not to f@#k up that pillow!

Double Kisses,
B. Scott

Update: Raz-B’s brother is rumored to have just called MTV and told them Raz B was forced by some Compton bloods to read a script provided by Chris Stokes lawyer on video, denying his previous molestation claims. Chris Stokes paid the bloods to shut Raz-B up but his brother, Ricky Romance, stands by his molestation claims against Stokes. Another source says Raz-B has “been missing for two days”. (For some reason a child molester and the Compton bloods don’t seem like a winning combination but hey it could be true!)

Damn the writer's strike... there is some grade A material going down right here!

Ice Me Down

Trey Songz may have a current single released about being a captain save-a-hoe (Link), but who knew this twig could really fly?

Trey Songz attacks concert-goer after ice is thrown on stage.

Look at how he starts to sing after it's all done.

I don't know about you, but I love for my so-called R&B artists to sing ballads on stage with a bunch of miscellaneous kneegrows scoping the crowd for low self-esteem bishes while wearing a wave cap and shouting "Hold the f*ck up, hold the f*ck up" in between sets.

QOTD

There's no doubt you've probably seen former B2K member Raz-B tapes that were released by his older brother accusing former manager Chris Stokes and Marques Houston of molestation and the more recent tape of him retracting the statements made on the first video. A lot of people have opinions on the possible reasons for the accusations and the following apology, but I have to ask:

Although he said the tapes were released without his knowledge, is Raz-B's credibility in this whole saga now damaged?

The Accusatory Video

The Apology

In other things:

Reverend Run and Wife Justine Simmons Welcome Miley Justine (Link)

Keyshia Cole's Mama Is Allegedly Back On That Stuff

Hustle Man Has Sold More Albums Than Kizzy L. Rowland (Link)

I Don't Know About You...

Christmas may be over, but for me the holiday season is still going strong. Today is the first day of Kwanzaa. Happy Umoja! I'm still on my Christmas high, so I'll see you in '12 days'.

(I sing this Nola classic 'till New Year's every year.)

Get Down On The First Night

Since y'all at home and can turn up the volume listen to this one here. If ya'll can stick through her many detours, maybe you'll find out what she's really trying to say. I'm grown now so I can't condone any of this (not on Christmas Eve, anyway).

I'm glad I don't have a video camera set up in the loo because I'd probably have a collection of videos of me bitching about how you gotta now use two packets of Kool-Aid in order to get the flavor just right 'cause they ain't making "red" like they used to.

http://www.jia-tv.com

Why she broadcasts from the water closet, I don't know. Period, blank, dot mothaf*cking com.

So Chris Stokes Really Is A Child Molester

I'm sorry to interrupt the holiday post, but this is hot off the presses and it'll probably be old news by the time everyone gets back together.

There have ALWAYS been rumors about music manager Chris Stokes and his actions with his musical acts, namely Immature/IMX and B2K. Former B2K member Raz-B speaks on his personal account dealing with Stokes and in the second video, his older brother who was also taken under the wing of Stokes, has similar testimony.

This is a damn shame. These rumors have been around forever, but we're hearing it from the horse's mouth here. It's highly doubtful that Raz-B's fessing up to underage orgies is for attention or publicity.

(Link)

'Starting at ages 11 and 12 TUG management heads Chris Stokes and Marques Houston forced the boys of B2K into orgies with managers, agents, friends and each other. This went on until the group disbanded.

For years some wondered about the too close for comfort between management and B2K, so Chris Stokes started to claim they were all related brothers and cousins to throw people off the scent.

Having Hotel Orgies was almost a everyday thing.
Chris Stokes did this also with his first band Immature/IMX.'

A few facts:

Omarion and Marques are not blood brothers

Raz B and Chris Stokes are blood cousins

MH was not apart of B2k he was in a group called Immature (later turned into IMX)

Happy Holidays!

MeikiSquared sends out the best to you and your loved ones this holiday season!

Have a Priceless Holiday!

Pumps And The Lumps: A 2007 Fashion Round Up

2007 was definitely not a year for fashion as the All The Parties All-Stars can readily show. Keep this sh*t right where it is and away from 2008.

*Click to Enlarge*

Sigh. Regular Ass Bras As Outer Garments

Her mission in life should be to cover up all her sh*t. At all times. Throughout life.

Where do they get these sub-titty tops?

Her stuff just fell open. Or maybe the buttons just gave the hell up.

That strap is hanging on by a wing and a prayer.

Don't ever wear your "period" bra out for any reason.

The hi-waist trouser, jean, short isn't bad at all, but these clubbers must shop at the same spot and those ruffle tops must all snap at the crotch.

A lot of chicks figured..."Eff the girdle, let me hike up these pants." And so it was written.

These corset broads must pack this sh*t up and go home. Don't none (yes, don't none) of these women know how to or when not to wear it, so just stop this sh*t in 2007!

I bet her nipples were concave when she took that thing off.

The wires in that thing just gave the hell up.

A corset with a collared shirt underneath? When trying to be sexy and warm goes wrong.

Old bishes in the club looking fug tryna cut a rug.

(Why, oh why did someone on the All The Parties site try to claim that this chick is actually 28?!)

I guess she's telling me to kiss her menopausal ass.

Party and Bullsh*t: Redux

Presenting the All-Stars of New York, Houston and Atlanta from the past year:

*Click to Enlarge (If you dare.)*

That sh*t on her face looks scary as hell.

Is that belt serving a purpose?

She's gonna have to manually detach her vagina from those shorts later on.

Sexy called and it doesn't want anything to do with you.

Tittay claw tats, paw prints, and bullet wounds , oh my!

If you have to create tittay vents, it's time to go a size up.

Is that velvet? Is that FUBU?!

They are moving out of his way. Dude is 'bout to hit a vouge move.

I don't know. (Today: ...And I still don't know.)

The next time you wear this outfit to the club, don't show off for the cameras because we can see the white lining of your ass pads... And we can see how it's cutting into your thigh.

I ain't mad at the outfit. I'm mad I can see her footprint in those tight ass Reeboks.

He doesn't have the strength to make the "peace" sign.

She ran her ass right over from 7th period.

Dude, all that gives you is a limp wrist. And girl, just ask somebody before you leave the house.

Her toes are sweeping a path for her to walk on.

Since she couldn't be a Victoria's Secret angel, she went as a Citi Trends moth.

Beesh, a bra be your best friend!

Since it's Friday....there will be more where this came from later.