They Finally Put It On Paper

Beyshawn Dereon Knowles-Carter will finally be legitimate!

It's parents, rapper Jay-Z and singer Beyonce reportedly applied for a marriage license according to People.

The couple have been dating officially for five years and have one estranged child, 22 year-old Beyshawn Dereon Knowles-Carter, who has been shunned for the past few years by her maternal family for spilling family and bedazzling trade secrets across gossip blogs such as Young, Black and Fabulous, Crunk and Disorderly and Suga Say What. "I'm very happy to know that my parents are finally going to get papers on each other, said Knowles-Carter, who spoke to us from a can with a string attached from her Houston underground bungalow adjacent to the gold lamé production center where the Knowles' family fashion behemoth, House of Dereon is manufactured. "If my parents can finally tie the knot and make my birth official, there is hope that my paw-paw Matthew will finally come out and admit that he fathered Kelly Rowland with Michelle Williams because you do know that's the only reason why that old lady Michelle was let into Destiny's Child in the first place...as a replacement for child supp..."

Editor's Note: The phone interview with Ms. Knowles-Carter was abruptly cut short as her muffled voice was heard and the can she was speaking through abruptly crashed to the floor.

All subsequent attempts to contact Beyshawn Dereon Knowles-Carter went unanswered.