Zilla, Please

Sweet baby Jesus on a cracker.

If you're not watching this season of WE TV's weekly series, Bridezillas, I highly suggest that you make it a weekly required watching event.


This show is slowly destroying me because it never runs out of tacky, county, loud, bitchy women with champagne tastes on a gin and juice budget attempting to create the perfect day. Bridezillas is incredibly fake and staged where many of its subjects play it up for the cameras to get a free honeymoon trip to Jamaica, but I can't stop watching it, though!


I thought nothing could overtake Kenya from episode 3's tittaytacular nuptials, an episode where they held the wedding rehearsal in the parking lot of a Wing 'N Things, a wedding where every. single. member of the bridal party had errant tittays that could not be tamed by its dress or they couldn't fit into their dress at all and where the bride's "gown" looked like what one person called, "coffin lining".



Kenya Charles














Anyway, this week's episode introduces Brandi from Dallas, TX, who is um, not exactly playing with a full deck.





Brandi explained that she met her fiance in the club and he introduced himself by grabbing her arm and telling her she had a nice ass. Then she goes on to say that seven years later, she told him to propose to her one night after they finished screwing and so he did.

This 32 year-old wants her bridal party to learn this booty dance in time for the wedding and then asked her cake maker if she could make her a groom's cake in the shape of a pussy (okay, they didn't play the word "pussy", but the camera cut away when she described the cake and it sounded like the word "vagina" was a voice-over). She wanted a coochie cake with the words "This is your last piece..." written across it. She said it would be sexy. The baker was like hell to the naw.

She and her sister also went to a wine tasting where she asked the host what wine goes best with fried chicken. Brandi later asked for a to-go cup for her wine when she was ready to leave.


Here's Brandi's Myspace page, it's private, but at least you can put a face with the fuckery.

Here's a snippet of Brandi describing what her wedding would look like if she weren't a "high taste bride on a Wal-Mart budget".




This description of the fuckery displayed on this show cannot be done any justice with words, so you'll just have to watch it and come back here so we can talk about their asses.

I thought it was um, different at my aunt's wedding in Chicago where the wedding party stepped in the name of love down the aisle (To my sister who is reading this: Please don't tell auntie!...It wasn't bad, just different!)