Ladies, the time of year has come in which we are the most neglected, Football Season!! So to help you get some Quality Time during this season, here’s some tips to help you survive. I hope this helps!!
1. Ladies learn the game. Ask questions, but not too many, they’ll get annoyed. Here’s a site to help you understand the game & the referees (The guys in the Black and White stripped shirts)
Check out these websites:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_football_positions
http://www.firstbasesports.com/football_signals.html
2. Research your significant other(SO)’s favorite team. Better yet, chose your own favorite team and see how they fare during the season.
3. Try watching a game with your SO. If you can barely pay attention, play the “Nicest Arse” game- where you pick out the player whose tights fit them the best. Hint: Defensive Backs or Tight Ends(pun intended) are usually the winners.
4. Please note halftime ≠ cuddletime. Highlights from the other games are usually aired during this period. The only way to get some “Special” time during this quick intermission is to stand in front of the TV in something sexy or initiate some “Couch Crushing.” LOL!!
5. If you refuse to participate, you can always go shopping, watch Lifetime, hang with your girls or have some “Me” time. Games usually last all day on Sunday, so find you something fun to do!!
Ladies Guide to Football
The Nuptials!!!
Morning Funny
How would you pronounce this child's name? She spells her name "Le-a"
So how would YOU pronounce her name?
Leah? ..............NO.
Lee-A? ...........NOPE.
Lay-a? ...........NOT A CHANCE.
Lei?...................NICE TRY...BUT...GUESS AGAIN!
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. She says it's pronounced...wait for it....."Ledasha"! When the Mother was asked how in the world she figured it should be pronounced that way, she said "Cause the dash don't be silent!" So, if you see a name come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. And if anyone asks you why, tell them it's 'cause the dash don't be silent!
Moral of this story kids:
Stay in school cause a mind is a terrible thing to waste...
Movie Weekend
Next Day Air
I had the pleasure of watching the movie that consisted of ALL of the Friday movies, Paid in Full, & a sprinkle of Half Baked put into a hot skillet and scrambled up with some diced up hot dogs & cheese. (WHAT? I skipped Breakfast!!) The movie had a little humor. Mike Epps, who will always be pigeon-holed as Day-Day, did his best Day-Day impression since Next Friday. Wood Harris, reached back to his Paid in Full role, but added a splash of Avon from the Wire. The high point of this film was the Hot Piece of Carmel Man-Candy, Omari Hardwick (PP moment), as the SuperFly (Dope boy trying to get out of the game).
This flick has the makings of being pretty decent, but the climax *snickers* came too quick and left much to be desired. (Ladies, we’ve all been there before. LOL!!) Either Benny Boom ran out of budget or he just needs to stick to making videos.
DA’s rating: Borrow someone’s bootleg or put it in the top 25 of your Netflix Queue.
And since DirecTV had Free Starz weekend and messed around and gave me a DVR, I got to record a few (like 10) movies. **Don’t judge me**
Penelope
So I got to see Penelope, which was about Tiny, err, I mean a girl who was cursed with a pig snout and her adventure to break the curse. All in all it was cute, and it had Russell Brand in it!!
DA’s rating: Wait til the next Freeview weekend or when it airs on ABC Family.
Step Brothers- Freaking Hilarious!!
DA’s rating: Netflix or Starz
Bedtime Stories-Cute!! And Russell Brand’s in it!!!
DA’s rating: Netflix or Starz
Oh and StarzBlack aired Jason’s Lyric last night. CLASSIC!!! I’m sorry but Bokeem Woodbine should’ve won an Oscar for his portrayal of Josh. He ran the gamut of emotions, from semi-sloy to wanna-be gangsta to psycho-killa. But what KILT me about this movie, was 1. those terrible southern accents (Jada was sounding like Whitley) 2. Allen Payne’s Beyonce'-esque performance and hairy buttocks, and 3.Treach’s refusal to let accept his Alopecia & still trying to rock to mini-ponytails.
DA’s rating: Go borrow your cousin’s DVD and don’t return it!!
OMGWTFBBQ!
White people have been fucking up by leaps and bounds for the last couple of weeks, but Kanye came along last night at the MTV Awards and made everything even stevens. As a result, we are going to hear about this shit for a long ass time.
__
You guys were raving over Beyonce's La Cucaracha dress. Really?
Also: Performances by Pink, Green Day and Beyonce? Is it 2009 or 1999? I realize that the last time MTV actually played any videos was back in the 90's and the music get some industry is in the shitter, but can we see some shit we haven't seen to death already?!
Jury Duty.....
DAMMIT!!!!!
So now fast forward to Tuesday, where I arrive at the courthouse to fulfill my "Civic Obligation," as the judge calls it. The bailiff comes in and tells us to turn off all cell phones, books etc. and that there will be no texting, playing games, reading, eating, picking boogers (I'm kidding about that last part) during this process. YAY!!!
The Judge begins asking for valid excuses for dismissal from Jury duty: felon, underage, no longer a local, resident, full time student/teacher, medical reasons, business reasons. So this guy, who looks like the principal from "Ferris Bueller's Day Off, " goes up there for medical reasons and the judge sends him back to the jury pool. He goes back up there for the business excuse and is DENIED Uh-gaine!! LOL!!
We're led to a hallway outside of a courtroom. I stop by this guy, about 325-350 lbs easy. Next thing I know, I smelled some Eau de Bootay.
I'm thinking "someone pooted,"but the scent got stronger. It was big man (BM, pun intended), so I eased on down the hallway. Well, we're ushered into the courtroom and BM is sitting between a white lady, Y and a black lady, B.
As the Prosecution lawyers are questioning the jurors, the Y's face has turned pink and she's trying to cover her nose on the sly, and B is doubled-over and leaning toward the lady beside her. Next thing you know you see a bailiff come up to B and hand her some Halls cough drops. I guess the menthol was supposed to help tone down the "I didn't wipe my @ss good" aroma. The judge gives us a break and B ran to bathroom, she had gotten ill.
We're back from the break, Y is blatantly holding her nose now. It's the defense attorneys turn to ask us questions, such as "Do you think someone is guilty if they're wearing handcuffs?" (Da Hell??!!) & "Has anyone ever told you that you had a twin?" (ROO?)
Then she asked some question and all I heard was "Sustain, Approach." She tried to re-phrase the question twice after that, and each time, "Sustain, Approach." **Sigh** The judge finally told her to keep it moving. LOL!!
So we're waiting to see which of us were selected to serve on the jury, and the lady next to me says she's not really a Jehovah's Witness liked she claimed so she would not be picked. *blank stare* Then, this other lady asked "How much are we gonna get paid?" Another lady told her $25. She was H-O-T!! Talking about "I don't even get out of my bed before 9 and I'm up here @ 8 and all I'm getting is $25?" Then she sucks on her gold tooth with the champagne glass in it.
They finally came in at 5pm to announce the jury and alternate. Needless to say, I didn't get selected. **Does the Happy Dance**
Did You Catch Brother Brown On Larry King Live?
Last night after someone on Twitter said that Chris Brown looked like he was selling Skittle-flavored bean pies, I was NO MORE good for the night.
"Hit Rihanna? Who dat? What you talmbout? Why am I here? Mama, come get this man!"
Part 1
Part 2
Slaps For Silence
A Gwinnett County man is in custody accused of slapping a stranger’s crying toddler in a Stone Mountain Wal-Mart on Monday.
Sonya Mathews, the mother of the 2-year-old child, told police that both were walking in the aisles of the Rockbridge Road store when Roger Stephens, 61, approached and said “if you don’t shut that baby up, I will shut her up for you,” according to a police report.
A few moments later, in another aisle, Stephens grabbed the 2-year-old and slapped her across the face four or five times, according to the report.
Stephens then told Mathews, “See, I told you I would shut her up,” according to the report.
A bystander held Stephens until store security came to assist, according to a WSB-TV report.
When police arrived, Stephens said that he slapped the child and that he apologized to Mathews, according to the report.
Stephens was charged with felony cruelty to children. He had his first court appearance Tuesday and is being held at the Gwinnett County Detention Center without bond, according to the Gwinnett Police Department spokesman Cpl. David Schiralli.
The 2-year-old victim sustained slight redness to the face, according to the report. There was no video footage in the area the incident took place, according to the report. [AJC]
Four or five times? And where was the mother? She better had been searching the kitchen aisle for a butcher knife.
In a Wal-Mart? I'd understand if they were on a plane. Just go to the other aisle, man. Read More......
Black Entotainment News
Here's whats been going on in the "Celeb" World this week:
In Baby Mama News Halle is 3 months preggers with her 2nd child by her fine man candy Gabe *congrats*
Meanwhile Lauren London has officially confirmed via Twitter that Wayne is indeed the pappy *smh*
In Saddown Somewhere News Jay-Z's BP3 leaked this week and from the reviews apperently he needs to go back into "retirement" or get Sasha pregnant. Either one will do.
Also Chris Brown was interviewed by Larry King where he continues to make himself look stupid. Chris please go somewhere and pick up some trash on the side of the road. Thanks.
And The Beesh Please of the week goes to Tameka Foster who is still blaming black women for her failed marriage. Girl Bye!
